Strategy 1: The Early Bird Gets The Worm:
If you’re like most guys on these dating apps, one of your biggest frustrations is probably when women never even bother to respond to your texts. I mean here they swiped right and told Tinder they like you, and then when you reach out to them, they completely ignore you. Crazy, right?
Well, not exactly.
You see, while there are lots of possible reasons why they’re not responding, one of the most important ones you need to realize is that these women already have very busy lives to begin with, and on top of everyone and everything competing for their attention, you need to remember that if you found them attractive, odds are pretty high that a bunch of other guys did also, so all of these women are getting bombarded with messages day-in and day-out, and they just don’t have the time and energy to handle it all.
So what you really want to do here is strategically choose a time when they’ll most likely actually read your message AND when they’ll most likely have the time and energy to respond. Now the good news is that the work of figuring this out has already been done for you. Wonder what I mean by that?
Well, let’s talk about regular everyday email for a second here. Lots of studies have been done and lots of articles have been written on how it’s getting more and more difficult to get your email noticed by people nowadays simply because everyone’s just getting too much of it to be able to read and respond to it all.
But there is a silver lining. They actually did enough testing to figure out the best time of day to email someone if you want to get through to them, and you can use this exact same time frame to reach out to your dating app matches as well.
The time that they discovered is best is early in the morning JUST as the recipient is about to start their work day. So anything sent to them between 7:00am and 9:00am has the highest chances of getting a reply because:
1 – This is the time of day when they check their inbox for the first time and have the most mental stamina and energy, so it’s much easier for them to deal with anything coming in simply because they have the best attention span for it at this point in their day, and because of that, they’ll simply pay more attention to it, even if it isn’t a high priority.
2 – Humans always seek new and novel things, so if you email them at this time, it is likely to grab their attention more easily than something that was sent at 9:00pm last night, since an email that came in before they were looking at their inbox is actually already considered ‘old news’ to the part of their brain that’s constantly filtering out unnecessary clutter so that they can focus on more important things and move forward in life.
3 – most people DON’T email at this time …because they’re too busy dealing with their own inbox themselves, so there’s a lot less competition for someone’s attention then.
4 – If you actually matched with them the night before, waiting until first thing the next morning demonstrates restraint, and therefore confidence. It shows her you’re not jumping at every match that comes your way, and that you're not desperately glued to your phone trying to meet anyone out there willing to give you the time of day. This makes a huge impact. And even if you don’t want to text her in the morning for whatever reason, waiting for any extended time after you matched will have this same effect for you.
This is a great way to stand out, which brings us to our next strategy…
Strategy 2: The Purple Cow Gets The Grass
There’s a well-known business book by Seth Godin titled “The Purple Cow” and as you can probably tell by the title, it’s about standing out and being different. But more importantly, it’s about how being something other than the norm is actually what leads to success. And setting up dates with girls on Tinder is no different.
The key is to find a way to stand out that separates you from the rest of the pack, and lucky for you, while you’re free to come up with things that nobody else is doing, an even easier way to accomplish this is by taking something that everyone else is doing… and simply doing it yourself in a completely different way.
A great example is commenting on one of her photos. LOTS of guys do this, only they all do it in the same predictable way that actually makes her less attracted to you: They compliment her physically. Boring!
Every other guy is already telling her how beautiful she is, but when everyone is saying the same thing and that’s literally all she ever hears from them, it loses its impact very, very quickly and just ends up being white noise to her. The second you tell her how hot she is, you get yourself put in the “just another boring guy” category. Don’t do that to yourself.
Because when you think about it, swiping right on her profile already told her you find her attractive! It’s not like she’s impressing you with her brief profile write-up (if she even wrote one). So there’s no need to keep telling her the same thing.
Think about a salesman who keeps telling you how awesome you are or how perfect you are for what they’re selling. It just comes across as inauthentic, desperate, and just a little bit awkward, doesn’t it? So if you comment on a photo of hers, pick one that isn’t just her looking good, and most importantly, DON’T do it in a typical way she’ll be expecting since every other guy has probably already done that.
This is actually something I delve into a lot in my UNLEASHING YOUR ALPHA SELF product that I offered yesterday, so I hope you were wise enough to grab it at the reduced price.
To give you a quick example of what I mean from one of my own conversations, take a look at this photo from one of the girls I matched with, along with the screenshot from my own phone of how our conversation began (I obviously had to blur her face for legal reasons).
You’ll notice I didn’t compliment her at all in this example. I just used a little fun and humor over something that she was already emotionally connected to in order to move our talk a little more forward. Simple as that.
And this brings us to our next strategy…
Strategy 3: Less Is More
A huge mental and emotional mistake that most guys make on Tinder and other dating apps is that they almost always come from a position of needing to impress the girl. They don’t even know her, and already they feel like they’re not enough in her eyes. It’s like they have to ‘make’ her like them, and the only way they can do it is by saying the perfect thing to her to hopefully make her say the perfect thing right back so that they can keep this ‘perfect’ conversation going. And so they end up forcing the issue and looking needy and desperate.
And the worst part is that they don’t even realize they’re doing it.
It’s like asking a fish ‘how’s the water?’…a fish is swimming in it all the time and doesn’t even realize that there’s any distinction unless they’re actually taken out of it. And if you ever feel this uncomfortable ‘pull’ while you’re chatting with a girl, but can’t really explain where the feeling is coming from, then you’re probably making the very same mistake.
And here’s where it really hurts you: the girl can tell! She can absolutely feel it in how you speak to her over text because that’s all she ever sees day-in and day-out. And just trust me on this, she CAN tell the difference. She knows, and as soon as she spots you doing this, she automatically disqualifies you in her mind. And the only way to not fall into this trap of “seeming like you’re trying to hard”… is to actually NOT try too hard.
So keep in mind, when you’re chatting with her… there are NO compliments needed. You don't even know this person yet, and while you're obviously attracted physically since you swiped right, there’s not much reason to start telling her how great she is.
Now IF she says something that really impresses you (and I mean truly genuinely impresses you), THEN it’s okay to give her props, because that’s you being authentic. But don’t feel like you have to give her props even if you are impressed. And don’t tell her how great she is just for the sake of telling her how great she is.
Also, don’t write paragraph after paragraph trying to make yourself look good to her. And don’t give her excuses for anything, like telling her that your pictures are blurry because your camera is bad. She already knows your pictures are blurry, there’s no need to bring it up. And if she brings it up, don’t be defensive about it. A simple “yeah, I’ll think about adding one or two clearer ones” is PLENTY to say IF you even respond to her about it at all. In other words, don't be like everyone else. Don’t over-communicate everything hoping you can somehow ‘talk’ her into liking you.
Remember, if you’re trying to ‘make’ her like you, it’s implying to you (and to her) that you’re not worth liking. It also implies that you’re not a good catch yourself. And worst of all, it implies that her swiping right on you isn’t enough of a reason to want to meet up and see if you two get along.
I’m not saying give her the silent treatment or anything, since that will get you nowhere. But I am saying that if you can say something in five words INSTEAD of saying it in five sentences… then say it in five words. Say only enough to make your point, and leave it to her to fill in the gaps.
The key to not trying too hard…. Is not trying too hard! Crazy, right? ;-P
Now if you’re still wondering what I mean when I say guys try too hard, and you’re looking for some really good examples of this, well… in the next part of this mini-course (that I’ll be sending you tomorrow), I’ll be including a very cool and counterintuitive strategy you can use to see the EXACT mistakes that other guys are making all the time. Trust me when I say you will not want to miss this, so stay tuned for tomorrow! I’ll talk to you soon.